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Posts Tagged ‘Diet’

WARNING

READ AT THE RISK OF PICKING UP NEGATIVE ENERGY

Have you ever had one of those days when you think to yourself, “I picked a really bad day to stop sniffing glue.” ? (nodding my head knowingly)

Yep, I’m having that day!

I won’t drink a beer… I won’t drink a beer… I won’t drink a beer…

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful….  I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful… Baby step away from the refrigerator. (What About Bob)

You’re most likely thinking, “What in the hell is she talking about? She’s finally lost her nut.” Maybe I have. Maybe I’m just fed up.

Life is  ruthless, unrelenting. Yep, that’s right and she just kicked me in the teeth and in the butt all at the same time. Yes, this is my soap box deal with it. 🙂

Am I a cynic? Today… You’re darn right I am!

Am I ranting just because I’m on a diet? Nope, but it sure doesn’t make it any easier.

Maybe… just maybe if I could medicate myself with chocolate and a cold beer I might not be blogging a soapbox right now. But I’ve dedicated my life to changing my life and my body and chocolate and beer just isn’t part of the plan. Coating my raw nerves with these things won’t get me anywhere except back into my FAT jeans.

Could I ever go for a bag of Dove’s chocolates and a beer…!

I would love to be a cheater today… No one would ever know… with the exception of my horrific guilt and excessive need  to be “true” to this journey. How can I lead others down a path if I’m walking off the cliff myself? Darn it, why do I have to be so ethical?

Wonder how many Diet Dr. Peppers it takes to wipe away dreams of a beer? As of right now the count is three.

Since I can’t have a beer… I’m going to just come out and say it… Bank of America are crooks. Okay, now I feel better! 😉

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Okay people, this is your TMI (too much information) warning. Read at your own risk (heheh) you’ve been warned.

So, I was walking around the drug store today waiting for a prescription. I was beyond starving! I hadn’t had a single morsel of food ALL day (I know.. I know… I’m a hypocrite). I was famished! I needed something!

I went on a search for something, anything that would keep me from nibbling my arm off. Like most people who are on a diet and who are starving; I found myself walking down the candy isle. Okay, don’t balk at me… my story isn’t over yet.

As I was walking down the candy isle, I thought to myself, “Hey, I can have sugar free candy!” I stopped dead in my tracks and saw my favorite hard candy in a sugar free package!

OMG…. it’s my lucky day! I didn’t know if I wanted to scream or pee in my pants.

Right there staring at me was a package or Werther’s Originals! SUGAR FREE!

Without a single other thought I grabbed that candy! OH… Yeah! Amy was a happy camper. I walked back to the seating area to wait for my meds and so I could read the package.

Sugar Free — Check

Low calories — Check

Life is good…..

To my surprise the candies were tinny! I thought, “wait a tick, 40 calories for that?!” Then I noticed the serving size was for 5 pieces. “Okay, that’s not bad” I thought. Five pieces would be about three regular size candies. I ripped the bag open.

OMG… They were everything I had wished them to be. They were so creamy, carmel delicious. They weren’t as good as the original but damn close! I had 40 calories to burn… So I ate five then I ate three more! For the non-mathematicians I had 8 pieces of candy.

Eight, no big deal right?

Wrong!!!

As I was leaving the store I thought to myself, “I shouldn’t eat too much of this. What if it gives me a tummy ache?” Naa… “That’s Alestra (the fake fat known to clean out your pipes) this isn’t a fat substitute, it’s only sugar free candy.” So, I scarfed down number eight.

About 20-30 minutes later my tummy started rumbling. “Hum…?” My tummy sounded like some sort of drum.  Another couple of minutes went by. The natives in my tummy really turned up the heat. There was a loud echoing liquid sound… “Oh, boy this can’t be good!”

Do you remember that scene from American Pie where Finch went running into the girls bathroom.. He blew the roof off of that place. Yep!

Holy Crap! That’s all I’m saying….

15 minutes and 1 pound (not even joking on the weight) later I came out of the bathroom.

Thank the dear Lord I was at home…

Enter Google search: I looked to see if anyone else had tummy trouble after eating sugar free candy Werther’s in particular.

This is what I found: Some sugar free candies contain a sugar like product called Isomalt. And yes, this product has been known to cause terrible gas and or diarrhea.

Studies on people taking isomalt have linked the substance to a high rate of stomach upset, gas and diarrhea. Even in relatively low doses, isomalt can cause diarrhea in about 10% of women who take it and about 4% of men. Just as with sugar, it’s a good idea to keep consumption of isomalt to a minimal amount, more so for the stomach upset it may cause than because of any long-term negative effects. Read More

What the hell? Right?

It’s sugar free candy!

I only had 8 pieces of tinny, tiny candy. I shouldn’t have lost a pound of my innards from that…. Right? Wrong.

Well, people let me tell you (sighing) DON’T. I repeat, DON’T eat too much sugar free candy without testing out a single bite on your tummy first.

Learn from my mistake! Know your candy…. Know what’s in it!

If it sounds too good and taste too good to be true, it probably is.

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I’m the proud new mommy to a full set of measuring cups and spoons!

Yes, people the world has come to an end! I, Amy Cotta have a set of measuring cups and spoons! Okay, pick yourself up off the floor and dust yourself off. These aren’t no William Sonoma cups and spoons they are Wal-mart Baby! I’m talking cheep-os! But hey, their mine. And, I’m just so damn excited I decided to put my big girl panties on and got a set.

Aren’t they pretty?

Until yesterday I had (count them), (1) 1/2 cup, (1) 1/3 cup, (1) 1/2 tsp, (1) large 2 cup, and… that’s it! It’s damn near impossible to follow a recipe without these items! Let me tell you, not only does my grammar suck but so does my math! At this point in the Skinny Jeans Diet game proper measuring tools is a must!

Now that I’m the owner of  measuring cups and spoons I’ll be like Emeril Lagasse! Not..! But at least I’ll be less likely to over or under season my skinny food. The other night I got a little carried away with the salt. Yuck! Enter: the shopping trip to purchase proper measuring tools.

I guess my next purchase should be a proper non-stick cooking pan. That’s a big leap! I don’t know if I’m ready for that type of commitment yet. But what’s a girl to do? The one I have now is so warped you could use it as a balance board. When cooking I have to keep moving my food around so it will cook evenly.

Do I do it? Do I pull the trigger and buy a cooking pan?

Shit!

You know… my husband now comes home from work EVERY night asking what I’m cooking for dinner. He never asked that before! This damn diet…! Now my family wants and expects me to cook every night!

Shit!

Well, guess there is another shopping trip in my near future. A frying pan I go…

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Day 6

When you can’t have fruit, bread, pasta, cakes, sugar, chocolate, alcohol, pretty crinkly covered snacks. What’s a girl to do when she’s PMSing and stressed? When she’s strung out from chocolate and beer rehab? When she’s about to start popping people off from the roof tops because she needs a chocolate fix?

Well, I’m PMSing (365 days a year) and I’ve had one of the most stressful months of my life! My heads been spinning and pea soup has been flying out of my mouth like Regan from the Exorcist. In short, I haven’t been pretty to be around! Okay, I haven’t been THAT  bad… I might have exaggerated slightly. But, in times of high stress I’ve felt like Regan (I just hid it).

What’s a girl to do?

Well, in Aries fashion, I took the bull by the horns and did what any red blooded American girl would do. First, I hid all the sharp objects in the house and then I ran to Wally World (AKA Wal-Mart). I was on the hunt for a sugar free chocolate alternative.

Enter: Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding Cups! OMG… Why haven’t I thought of these sooner?! I’m such a dumb-ass…

Not only do these pudding cups come in chocolate, they also come in double chocolate, chocolate swirl, caramel and shut the front door…. CHOCOLATE BOSTON CREAM! Pinch me I’m in heaven…!  Oh, I forgot to mention they are only 60 calories each!

Haaa…. chocolate…! The world is in balance once more. I licked that little plastic container clean. Not a drop left! Yes, I used my finger.

Okay people, you can once again travel outside of your homes. The coast is clear, the beast has been tamed. She’s in the kitchen with a big fat chocolate smile on her face!

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Let me be the first to tell you I’m no Top Chef. As a matter of fact I’m the furthest thing from it. My cooking stinks! Why does my cooking stinkk? Cause, I detest cooking! There is absolutely NOTHING about it I enjoy. I detest cooking like some people detest working out.

Okay, detest is a harsh word. Let me say, I strongly dislike cooking. There are only three things I dislike more than cooking.

  1. grocery shopping
  2. cleaning up after cooking
  3. an ex-spouse who shall remain nameless 🙂

With that said, you’d be AMAZED at what you’ll do when you are hungry enough. You’ll do things you don’t enjoy. Oh… you’ll cook.

When you can’t dine out, pop a frozen dinner in the microwave or graze on pretty packaged processed foods… You’ll learn to cook or you’ll starve!

I’m hungry! I cracked… I broke down like an old mule. My hunger was stronger than my hatred of cooking. So… I cooked!

Well, surprise surprise not only did I cook tonight but I used my imagination and ingenuity and guess what? My dinner rocked! It was a Grand Slam, Home Run! I was so satisfied after eating that I didn’t even mind cleaning up the mess (knock me over with a feather!).

So, here’s what I did….

I took a recipe from Rachel Ray, added some lean ground beef, changed things around a little and come out with a master piece.

Ingredients Calories Carbs Fat Protein
Vegetable – Egg Plant, 1 -1/4 Ib 110 26 1 5
Olive Oil – Extra Virgin Olive Oil , 2 tbsp 240 0 28 0
Hunt’s – Crushed Tomatoes With Basil, 2 container (3 1/2 cups ea.) 560 112 0 28
Cheese – Ricotta, part skim milk, 2 cup 679 25 39 56
Plain – Egg White, 1 large egg white 16 0 0 4
Sargento – Shredded Part-Skim Mozzerella Cheese, 1 container (4 cups ea.) 1,280 16 80 112
Ground Beef, All Natural – Extra Lean 96% Lean 4% Fat, 16 oz 560 0 18 96

   

Total: 3445 179 166 301
Per Serving: 345 18 17 30  
My after dinner desert was blissful… (sighing with a chocolate smile on my face)
Ingredients Calories Carbs Fat Protein
Jell-O Sugar Free – Double Chocolate Pudding , 1 snack 60 13 2 2
Cheese – Ricotta, part skim milk, 0.25 cup 85 3 5 7

Total: 145 16 7 9
Per Serving: 145 16 7 9  
So there you have it.
If I can cook, anyone can cook! You don’t have to love it, but if you want to get skinny and stay in your skinny jeans you better learn to at least tolerate it.
No noodle lasagna with lean meat sauce

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Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I would really… love to smack the shit out of the person who came up with that saying!

Why? Cause it reminds me that I screwed up my body and it’s going to take time and hard work to get it back.

I’m in day three of getting the fat off my fat ass… and let me tell you….

It’s a hell of a lot easier to stay lean and fit then get that way!

I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but I’m a realist.  I don’t like to blow sunshine when the truth is the best policy. This isn’t any easier for me than it is for my clients (shit!).

I’ve done this diet a thousand times to get ready for fitness competitions.  But now I’m not doing it to win some dumb ass trophy or title; I’m doing it to get my body and life back.

Then: I only had 5 – 6 pounds to lose

Now: 15 or more… Rome!

GRrrrr… the truth hurts and reality sucks. I’m not 25 years old anymore and Rome wasn’t built in a day… What I wouldn’t give to have my 25 year old energy, recovery, and metabolism  back. And… for the love of God a beer!

(On a happy note: I’m down 2 pounds in 2 days and Rome is a beautiful place.)

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I was on the elliptical doing cardio this morning. As I was working out I looked down at my legs. I had on one of those cute little workout skirts. You know the ones… they were either designed by a man or some skinny little chick that never saw an ounce of fat on her body a day in her life. Yep, that’s the skirt!

Anyway, I was watching me legs work… but they weren’t my legs. What the hell? These can’t be my legs! My legs look strong and lean, you can see a slight separation in the muscle and the skin is so toned.

It’s like that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers! Where are my legs?! These things feel like my legs. They are working as if they are mine. When my brain said move faster… they moved faster… When my brain said slow down they did. But, these can’t be my legs… These things can’t be mine! There’s no muscle! There’s no tone! If there is, it must be under that gross layer of fat. (SLAM! reality) OMG… these are my legs!!! My legs are fat and GROSS! How did I get this way?

Oh, I know exactly how I got here! Let me tell you… LIFE! I finally gave in and gave up. I let my life take over my body. Once upon a time, I worked out to relieve stress. Present day – I don’t workout cause I’m too stressed. Once upon a time, I didn’t eat when I was stressed. Present day – I eat and drink everything in sight when I’m stressed. I have become everything I swore I would never be. OMG…! I’m “that” person. The one who has a million excuses, the one who has given up, the one who stopped caring about herself.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want my vanity back! I want to be known as the “fit” girl again. It use to annoy me when people asked me if I worked out. I would think to myself, “Duh.. No! I just woke up this way! Of course I workout dumbass!” Oh, how things have changed… I want to be annoyed… PLEASE… someone annoy me!

I’m so pissed at myself!

I’m going to do what I always do when I get pissed… I change whatever it is making me mad. So here it goes….

Kiss my fat butt goodbye!

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